


Coming for the crown

by carpediorma



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, Light Angst, Pining, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2019-11-26 20:05:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18185126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpediorma/pseuds/carpediorma
Summary: Life is pretty conventional when it's carefully orchestrated by one's mother. The new girl in her dance group is going to change that for Jamie. SLASH





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, I wasn’t supposed to post this yet because I wanted to work more on the plot and stuff, since I always like my first chapters but HATE what comes next (hence why I haven’t updated my other stories) but I don’t seem to care anymore. This story is inserted in the same universe that my other two. I still don’t know what dance they practice, though.   
> This is Jamie, she’s passionate and IntenseTM and I love her and I’ll keep doing so if I don’t screw the story with my poor choices.  
> Thanks for reading!

There’s a chant she tells herself in moments like these. A mantra, if you will.

_You want this._

_This is something you chose._

Whenever her legs feel numb and her head hurts and there's a sharp pain in her back, she repeats these words in her head. Sometimes, she even allows her attention to be put on them, on their meaning, before quickly being brought back by Madeleine's critical look.

She knows most girls in the group resent Madeleine, she’s not blind to the complaints and the newly empty lockers, but she disagrees with them. Jamie reminds herself she wouldn’t be as good as she is, if Madeleine wasn’t the way she was.

Her eyes can catch the animosity some of the girls feel towards her too. She knows Lara’s mouth tightens into a hard line whenever Jamie hits all the right moves and she recognizes the hidden distaste in Maria’s words of support, Zoe seems to be quite bothered by her lately as well.

Disdain is nothing to her, though, what aggravates her the most is being able to tell how no one feels the way she does about dancing. No one _gets_ dancing like her, not even Alice or Alegría, the best dancers in the group. And Madeleine knows it.

A whole language based on looks and gestures has been developed between the both of them. If those were to be translated into words, most of them wouldn’t be nice, but she doesn’t expect anything else. _‘Ms. Ross isn’t supposed to be your friend, her only duty is to make you the best’_ her mother always says, even though Jamie needs no reminders.

Those words have shaped their relationship, they both play their roles accordingly and she doesn’t want more from Madeleine. Not even in moments like these.

Her whole body feels heavy and her legs want to give out, so she concentrates in her chant once again.

_You’re doing this because you want to._

_You chose this._

There’s a lot of things Jamie has learn to ignore. The pain. The sense of not having time despite being busy all day. The way she repeats her chant so often that the words have finally started to feel her own, and not her mother’s.


	2. Give it up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried, I SWEAR I tried, but ended up with this ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> I feel like my characters have some potential but my poor execution just kills them... Anyways, thanks for reading! Hope this evokes some kind of emotion in you!  
> PS: I've read a lot about it but I still can't figure when to use 'on' or 'in'. SORRY IN ADVANCE.

 

_The fever's old_

_Feel it in my bones and my blood_

_It's enough but I still can't take it off_

“Give it up” – Black City Lights

 

Things haven’t been the same since Alegría and Barbara left the group. Especially after a bunch of other girls, Alice included, followed suit.

Practice is going nowhere, Madeleine’s last minute adjustments find too many furrowed brows as an answer. Jamie hasn’t experienced this feeling of doubt and insecurity in a long time.

She’s still trying to put all the pieces together to understand the event, and even though she makes an effort to put some perspective into it, she can’t help viewing it as confusing and extremely childish. She’s no stranger to Alegría’s righteous convictions and idealizations, just as she’s much aware that that’s not how the real world works.

They were a strong team. They’ve won many prizes. Judges on the tournaments looked forward to their presentations and the public admired them. What else Alegría could have wanted?

Jamie knows about love. She hasn’t experienced it; turbulent feelings hasn't clouded her sense and logic yet, but she recognizes it when she sees it. In the right circumstances, she thinks it’s something to cherish; what she doesn’t understand is throwing one’s achievements just because of it.

Madeleine doesn’t get it, either. She tries keeping their practices as they were before, and she struggles to do so, obviously. The whole situation has been rough for her and the group, even though she acts as if nothing happened.

As with love, Jamie knows about defeat and frustration too. Sometimes, it seems like she has suffered those feelings more strongly than any of the girls on the team. She tries to comprehend Alegría and her ‘love will prevail above all’ life philosophy, but she’s really familiar with how brutal it feels to have one’s hard work not appreciated by a bunch of teenagers who can’t see beyond themselves.

When she started dancing with Madeleine, she tried finding an ally who danced with the same intensity as her; someone who viewed excellence as the prime goal, above and despite all, like her. No one filled that much-needed place.

Her passion evoked mixed feelings in the other girls. Some felt respect, much felt resentment but most were scared. Alegría liked theorizing about her: fulfilling her mother’s expectations was more of a goal than succeeding in dancing for her, she compensated her lack of genuine interest by overexerting herself.

Jamie’s aware there’s a fine line where her passion ends and her mother’s wishes and ambitions start; and while she doesn’t always understand how it works, she knows her own desire is there; raw and distressing and, oh, so hard to articulate. It's numbing, attempting to regard life in the most practical way, while she possesses such a primal and indescribable feeling inside her heart.

The tense atmosphere in the practice room makes her feel terribly uneasy. She can’t help remembering how the day her father left, uncertainty flood her life. Jamie had known about his inevitable departure, being ten when her parents talked to her about divorce for the first time. Their explanation for the decision was precise, logical even, so she decided to take the news like that as well.

She tried focusing on her father’s promises that it wouldn’t be all that different. About how he would take her to visit his new home, once he was settled. Yet, Jamie couldn’t help but feel all the things that had been until that moment, were suddenly nothing. 

Her mother worked hard and long to bring some control back onto their lives after that; got the promotion she had been waiting for years, moved them to another city and bought a bigger house. She also enrolled Jamie in a little school dance for recreational purposes, and then searched for the most qualified instructor when she realized her potential for greater things.

While Jamie was feeling like the world stopped turning, her mom did everything in her power to keep on moving. It took her a while to get back everything she lost that morning. She looks at her now and is surprised to find little to no traces of that terrified, anxious woman she used to be. And she tells herself she, too, can do it. She can try.

Hence, Jamie follows Madeleine’s guide and dances and then dances even more although their group is falling apart. Trying isn't good enough, though. As soon as the music stops, her body collapses to the floor and no sound in the room is louder than the furious beating of her own heart.

 


	3. Not enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Carolina here bringing you yet another chapter where nothing happens. After I uploaded the last one, I mortifyingly realized there was NO DIALOGUE AT ALL so I tried to change that in this one but no luck. I just love writing about Jamie’s feelings and she's a very lonely person, that’s all.   
> Things are going to move a little in the next chapter, hopefully. Thanks for reading!

_What isn't right isn't wrong, it's okay_

_But you know it isn't right and you'll do it anyway_

_Fear is the art and the pain is the game_

“Not enough (for us)” – Black City Lights

Her chant comes in handy not only in moments of absolute exhaustion. It is also necessary in other situations, like when her whole body feels restless and her mind won’t stop racing over the mental list of all the things she’s not doing, over how much time she’s letting slip away.

After her not-so-graciously passing out in the middle of practice, Madeleine has decided to give her a break, despite her own and Jamie’s reluctance.

She has spoken to her mother to make sure she’s going to stay low, because there are no doubts the thing that ensures one’s self-control doesn’t work in Jamie’s brain. Her body keeps going when it should stop and wants to move when it should rest.

Life is pretty conventional when it's carefully orchestrated by one's mother. When so much time’s consumed by practice and tournaments, the spare is divided into school, extracurricular activities and little to nothing else.

Jamie doesn’t mind, really. She has never been an extremely social person and, for the last years, her head has been too full of one complex choreography after another and that one hard dance move Madeleine's introduced unexpectedly in the last class, to care about something else.

Her life's thoroughly organized to make the most of the day, every day. No time to lose in the non-stopping race her life has turned to be. And one big consequence of having such a tight, controlled schedule is losing all sense of self-worth when she isn’t able to comply with it.

Staying in her house when she should be on practice hurts as much as when she keeps dancing while her body screams for a break. Her agitation grows as the minutes pass, not even having Oscar by her side helps.

Though his presence hadn't been noticed before, Oscar had always been there, kind of unofficial owner of the house her mother bought when they moved away. The real estate agents tried everything to fix the situation, but he was too adamant to leave.

Jamie talks to him whenever she lets herself admit that there’s something wrong. He has heard everything about how hard is to keep up with her life's fast-paced rhythm, how disconnected she feels with his dad despite his attempts to make their relationship work, how her never-ending mother's work trips drive them apart.

There's nothing a fat orange cat can do to repair those things, but Jamie’s sure talking to him has helped her more than any of the therapists she has met.

* * *

 

Since her departure, Alegría's in her mind by time to time. The look she gave her when Jamie told her that nothing would make her quit the dance group, not just hurt but disappointed too, keeps playing in her head.

She had been the only one to actually attempt to get close to her, ignoring the warnings from her teammates and Jamie’s own resistance. She secretly appreciated that and had taken Alegría's presence in the group for granted, until that day everything changed out of nowhere.

It was known the other girl was a poor judge of character, with not being able to recognize her own crush on her best friend and all, but to have the naivety to think that Jamie would even consider leaving was hilarious.

Lately, though, the thought evoked not only a slight dismissing smile but some strange feelings as well.

Jamie won’t admit but, somehow, Alegría's words had shifted something inside her. They have wormed in her brain and it doesn’t matter how much she tries to bury them, they always came into the surface. A thing or two about her priorities in life don't seem to make sense as they have always done.

Sometimes, it feels like Alegría has planted a seed that Jamie is sure she doesn’t want to see flourishing.


	4. Burning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MADELEINE STOP BEING VAGUE AND CONFESS JAMIE YOU'RE LOSING YOUR SHIT CHALLENGE.  
> I tried really hard but everything I write is trash, sorry. I'll try to write dialogue in the next chapter :(  
> Thanks for reading!

_There's some kind of burning inside me_

_It's kept me from falling apart_

_And I'm sure that you've seen what it's done to my heart_

_But it's kept me from falling apart_

“Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart” – Mitski

On the third day of her forceful retreat from dancing, Madeleine contacts her. She sends a text message that says four girls from St. Martin are coming to practice on Friday, to give an audition.

 _“If you continue to neglect your body as you have been doing until now, your performance’s going to worsen, and I have to make sure to have some back up in case that happens”_. It says, and Jamie feels irritation bubbling inside her. _“I need you here to evaluate them with me”_.

She can’t help wondering how she can be both simultaneously replaceable and indispensable to Madeleine. Plenty disposable that her place in the group can be filled by any unknown girl, but necessary enough that she intends to make Jamie evaluate her possible replacements.

Jamie’s completely taken aback.

She hadn’t expected the impromptu audition nor her professor reaching out to her. As soon as she saw the notification on her phone screen, she felt her stomach sink. Madeleine doesn’t send texts, she doesn’t call. She doesn’t try to contact her outside the classes they share.

Yet, she’s been leaving messages on the house’s phone directed at her mother, who has always mediated their interactions, ignorant that after endless apologies and promises to come back soon, she left for a business trip and that Jamie’s the one who’s being receiving all of her words.

They have met for so long yet their relationship has always been based on pointed looks and frustrated gestures, no more words than extremely necessary, so hearing her messages makes her feel like she’s listening something she’s not supposed to. Madeleine’s manner of speaking matches her unimpressed stance towards life; a monotone, still voice that only rises when she’s mad. Like when she told Jamie to _“stop being irresponsible and get some rest”_ while she was still lying on the floor after passing out.

The voice in those messages, though, has some strange quality to it. Jamie blames it on the phone distortion. In one, she says _“we have too much to lose”_ , in another she adds _“we can’t give ourselves the luxury to fail”_ and in the last one, like a confession, she whispers _“I’m worried”_.

Jamie replays them, hearing over and over the way Madeleine describes the disappointment, the dissatisfaction Jamie evokes on her, and she wants to scream or break something; anything in order to release some frustration that’s building up inside her.

There’s an impulse, a yearning inside her that makes her push her own limits and fight the ache and the exhaustion to triumph. That’s the reason she works as hard as she does; that’s why she stayed, wherein everyone else left. She learned it from her mother, she was taught that by Madeleine and because of that, it made sense.

Now, confronted with her professor’s words, she doesn’t know how to proceed. The sense of loss is stronger than ever; everything she has believed for so, so long crashing down and being reduced to nothing in even less than fifteen minutes.

Madeleine’s messages might be brief but their weight’s big and heavy, a new burden among many in Jamie’s shoulders.

* * *

After hearing her instructor’s words, she has imagined a thousand ways to answer her, to make her know the way her recriminations hurt her, to make her see how disappointed she feels at Madeleine's not being able to appreciate how bad she wants to be the best. But Jamie isn’t a confrontational person, and she isn’t good at expressing her feelings, so she says nothing.

She knows that most girls on the dance group seem to think that she’s nothing short of an ogre or some hateful and cruel creature like that, but Jamie really isn’t a bad person. If she remained serious all the times the others fooled around and if she refused to engage with their carefree behavior, was because she couldn’t be swayed from her goal.

 _“As you like, America's Next Top Model”_ Alegría joked every time Jamie refused her invitations to some party, when she argued she was there to practice in order to be good, and not to make friends.

That day she arrives at the dance practice, right on time and sits there, watching the new girls appear one by one with a stony face that gives nothing away.

She knows the St. Martin’s girls. Not personally, of course, but the bunch have a certain way to carry themselves that makes them inevitably recognizable. Jamie imagines knowing that oneself stands out enough to be recruited in a better, more known team fills them with satisfaction and it’s noticeable in the way they look at Madeleine and the rest of the team, a challenging expression in their face attempting to hide their uneasiness and not really succeeding.

“We might have to be more laid back with them, considering the situation we’re in.” Madeleine says and neither Jamie nor the few girls that stayed on the team can believe what they hear.

It’s not the first time they have received dancers from there, two of the remaining girls in the group were selected like that. Fresh in everyone's minds are the memories of the exhausting audition they gave and how ruthless their professor was before finally deciding they were good enough to be part of the team.

Once again, her professor's words fill her with dread. Where did the Madeleine that scared away everyone who she considered unfitting to be part of the team went?

The Madeleine who expected nothing but perfection, and rightfully so, was beginning to fade away and Jamie couldn't be more worried. They will never regain their status if they become more "laid back".

In all the years they have worked together, Jamie has believed blindly in everything Madeleine said; has done every little thing her teacher considered necessary to become the dancer she is today. And without really trying, she has become one of the few adults that Jamie looks up to. Because of that, she didn't waver when so many girls left the group.

At that moment, since it was so clear they shared the same goal, it seemed logical to stay for Madeleine. Now, every passing second, said decision seems more and more ill-advised.

* * *

None of the remaining girls thinks the newcomers are remarkable enough, but Madeleine doesn't take a no for an answer, and finds redeeming qualities to every flaw they point. At the end of the day, their team has gained four new members.

“My mom isn’t home. She went on a business trip. She didn’t hear your messages.” Jamie says, trying to convey something along the lines of _"the decisions you're currently making don't match what you said in those"_ without saying it explicitly.

Madeleine sighs, and has already turn around, leaving as she answers: “I know. Those were for you... Not that they helped.”


	5. Yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adding new characters is hard when you're used to the musings of your main character! Thanks for reading!

_I'm not in the swing of things_

_But what I really mean is_

_Not in the swing of things yet_

“Still sane” – Lorde

“I already said no yesterday, why would I say otherwise today? You’re not invincible, you need to rest for a while.” Her professor answers on Monday, when Jamie requests her permission to rejoin the practice. 

She might not be invincible, she’s never even tried to imply that, but she’s resilient enough to get back on the game. She has had plenty of time to regain energy and strength, and her body’s begging for a way to release it. Even though Jamie tried practicing at home, it isn’t enough.

Madeleine doesn’t seem to understand the longer she’s inactive, the harder is going to be to go back to what she was before. She’s throwing everything she has taught Jamie through the window, without a care at all; a statement that applies to the whole group’s situation.

Not once she has raised her voice, not once she has given a disapproving glance to an out-of-time movement, and Jamie wonders, how does one learn like that? How does one soften every little flaw if not with a sharp remark and an order to start over again? How does one become the best without someone critically guiding your every step?

Jamie’s the best dancer in the group and that’s because of Madeleine’s direction. There’s a natural predisposition and hard work on her part, of course, but the reason she pushes herself further and farther is that Madeleine expected it from her, demanded that from her.

That’s how it works, that’s how you make a good dancer, and they both know it, or that’s what Jamie assumed. She thought the new girls were going to be trained with that on mind, but the practice's going nothing like that.

This new Madeleine is silent and deep in thought, merely a contemplative figure among the dancing bodies. It doesn’t go unnoticed that her mother has been acting like that too. Even though she hates being inactive, she appreciates the fact she has more time to spend with her mom, on the rare occasions she’s home.

Weirdly enough, her mother doesn’t seem worried that she’s spending so much time at home, and she won’t ask about next tournaments or new routines. She keeps talking about her job and inquiring about school, changing the subject whenever Jamie tries to bring up the issue. It’s obvious that she’s in touch with Madeleine and that’s why she keeps quiet, despite how catastrophic the results of this decision could be.

“She’s trying to do what’s best for you. We both are, trust us.” Her mother keeps repeating that and Jamie tries to, she really does. But the thing is that Jamie has been trusting the two of them her whole life, and everything went well until it went extremely bad.

Jamie trusts them but an increasing number of reproachful thoughts keeps piling in the back of her mind, wondering, _“Should she?”_

* * *

“Please help us, you’re our only hope” Maria says, when one of the new girls missteps and clashes against another. Jamie heard her earlier on the changing rooms, talking with the others about how much of a _“try-hard, suck-up to Madeleine”_ she was.

She's used to this, she knows most girls –the ones who left and the others who stayed– have the idea that Jamie wants the spotlight only for herself. Lara, Maria and Zoe are being cold with her, their annoyed looks growing exacerbated with the last audition and the addition of the St. Martin girls.

Jamie isn’t affected by it, she won’t let herself be, because the group’s in shambles and there’s no other choice but to work with what they have. Yes, the remaining girls’ attitude has worsened, and her instructor’s not doing her job, and the new girls are not entirely qualified, but that won’t stop her. After nearly going insane, Jamie came up with a plan that could change the things' current development.

She decided she’s going to give Madeleine some time to get back on track, a little while to straighten her mind. From experience, Jamie knows adults lose their balance sometimes, and if Madeleine isn't able to regain her composure by herself, Jamie's going to make her realize; she's going to teach her how to keep on trying when everything seems lost.

“We should split up in teams, since there’s four of us and four of you, so one of the old girls instructs one of the new girls.” She propositions when the frustration has taken the best of all of them, and Madeleine went to her office after excusing herself to take a phone call.

Jamie has thought about it. She realizes imposing herself to the team wouldn't be good, the new girls would be too intimidated and the others three would get mad. This way, they would get more work done and seize the practice time better, while leaving everyone satisfied about the role they're playing.

* * *

Their old team had good dancers, yeah, but it wasn’t a cohesive team; it wasn’t harmonious and that was the reason everything came crashing. Jamie isn’t going to let it happen again, she's going to make sure every girl has their place and importance in their performances as a group.

The best way to achieve that is to make the new girls feel comfortable, make them know they’re safe in this new environment. Madeleine had been so out of it they started the practice without warming up to each other, so Jamie proposes that everyone shares a little about themselves.

"My name's Lara, Zoe and I came from St. Martin, like you all. Maria arrived the year after us did. Jamie has been here forever." Jamie thinks her trajectory is a lot more nuanced than that, and it could be described in more noteworthy terms, but she says nothing. If everything goes according to the plan, this whole exercise will contribute to strength the team’s bond and all the petty rivalry will be left behind in order to keep moving forward to better things.

“Mimi’s the name.” Nose ring girl says, and that seems good enough for her because she refuses to continue her presentation.

“My name’s Diana, and she’s my sister Dana,” a girl points to another that’s standing next to her, the only thing similar about them are their names. “We know things aren’t good right now and that’s the reason we're here, so we’re going to make a lot of effort to work things out.”

This is a low blow. Jamie's facade of confidence quivers a little because the thought of people knowing the team’s crisis deeply upsets her. She should expect it, there’s a lot of competition between the teams and they were a strong and powerful one before the incident. Things like these get easily known, they spread around faster and wider than accomplishments and triumphs. 

The only girl left is looking at Diana reproachfully. She’s petite and has long auburn hair. She tries to smile, despite her obvious nervousness.

“I’m Florence Laurenti. I’m awful at remembering names and I love to dance,” her eyes go to Jamie as she adds: “I’m not very good at it, though.”


End file.
